


Night Horrors

by Eggling



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 14:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13148682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggling/pseuds/Eggling
Summary: The TARDIS is seldom free of nightmares.





	Night Horrors

**Author's Note:**

> for [ettelwenailinon](ettelwenailinon.tumblr.com).

Pushing his bedroom door open tentatively, Jamie scanned the corridor outside. First Ben and Polly’s doors, opposite him, then the Doctor’s, further down the corridor – all closed, the rooms behind them silent. Even the usual light from the Doctor’s room was absent. His gaze lingered on the Doctor’s door for a moment longer than was necessary. No, he told himself sternly. There was no need to bother the Doctor over a few dreams.

He turned away, heading towards the kitchen instead. A mug of tea, if he could manage it, and some peace and quiet. That would settle his racing heart. Already, the soft humming of the TARDIS was soothing him, making him yawn. He rubbed at his eyes as he pushed the kitchen door open, unsure of whether he was trying to keep himself awake or the blood-stained images of his nightmares at bay. It was too late, he realised. He had dwelt on them for a moment too long. His dreams were already encircling his mind, trapping him in their grasp. _Blood-soaked, marshy fields and the screeching of metal monsters and the stench of battle and rain on his face and his friends lying lifeless and the Doctor’s eyes staring up at him unseeingly, the Doctor, dead -_

“Jamie!”

Jamie flinched as someone called to him from within the kitchen, looking up in alarm. Slowly, his eyes adjusted to the deeper darkness before him, and the shadows resolved themselves into familiar shapes, countertops and the food machine and – Polly sitting at the kitchen table, holding a mug of tea herself.

“Polly?” he breathed. An image from his dream, one of her bloodied and broken body, swam to the front of his mind, but he pushed it away. Clearing his throat, he tried to force himself to sound calm. “What are ye doing here?”

Polly shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep. I thought -” She gestured to her tea. “Do you want some?” Jamie nodded, and she got up, crossing to the kettle to pour him a mug. “I didn’t wake you, did I? I thought everyone was asleep.”

“’Course not.” Jamie took the mug, murmuring his thanks and sitting down beside her. “I thought everyone was asleep, too.” He studied her, at first curiously, then worriedly. There were dark circles beneath her eyes, and her hair, usually so neat, was in disarray, as if she had been thrashing about in her sleep. He hesitated, then decided to hazard a guess as to the cause. “Nightmare?”

Polly nodded, and he wrapped his arm around her. “Why else would I be up at this hour? Even the Doctor’s asleep.” Jamie gave a wry smile at that, and she turned to look at him sharply. “You too?”

Jamie did not reply, leaning over to rest his head on her shoulder. “What were yours about?” he asked.

“Cybermen,” Polly replied, shuddering. “I couldn’t see them – couldn’t see anything. I just heard their voices. Telling me they’d turn me into one of them.” She leant into him. “What were yours about?”

“I dinnae think ye want tae hear it.”

“Come on, Jamie, everything you’ve seen I’ve seen too.” Jamie shook his head, and Polly fell quiet. She had forgotten the horrors he had seen before meeting her, he realised – or perhaps she had never really understood at all. “Oh. I see. Sorry, Jamie.”

“’S alright.” He did not want to burden Polly with knowledge of his dreams, or worse still cause her to pity him, but somehow Jamie found that he could not keep his silence. “I – they were coming for us, I dinnae ken if they were Cybermen or Selachians or redcoats, but they were killing everyone, they’d killed -” He swallowed thickly. His eyes were stinging, and he brushed at them impatiently, hoping Polly would not notice his tears. “They’d killed the Doctor. I couldnae move, couldn’t do anything – they’d killed everyone, they were coming for me, but I couldnae -”

Polly laid her hand on his arm. There was something unsettled in her eyes, though she tried to hide it behind a reassuring smile. “How often do you have nightmares like this?” she asked.

Jamie shrugged. “Every few nights. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I can deal with it,” he added defensively. “They’re no’ that bad. I just wanted a bit of tea, that’s all.” He kept his back turned towards Polly as he stood up to pour himself another mug, not wanting her to see his face.

The sugar canister fell to the floor with a loud clatter, and he jumped, cursing his own clumsiness. He had not realised that his hands were shaking.

“Of course.” He could feel Polly watching him. The weight of her gaze was burning down his spine. “Listen, Jamie – I do think you ought to talk to the Doctor about this. He might be able to help.”

“I dinnae want his help,” Jamie snapped. Telling Polly was bad enough. To tell the Doctor – to admit to the Doctor that he was cowering in the face of nightmares – that was unthinkable. If the Doctor thought he could not cope with their travels, he might leave him behind on the nearest suitable planet, abandoned like a broken tool. He would gladly suffer a few nightmares to avoid being cast aside. “Don’t – don’t tell him, will ye? I dinnae want him to know.”

Polly looked startled by the fierceness of his reply. “I won’t tell him,” she said soothingly.

“Promise me.”

“Promise.” Polly bit her lip, still looking concerned. “You can always come and talk to me, you know. Next time it happens.”

“I dinnae want to… to bother ye.”

“It’s not a bother,” Polly insisted. “Chances are, I won’t be sleeping either. Your nightmares might be worse than mine, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have them.”

“I didnae mean -”

“Please, Jamie.” He was backed into a corner now, his own stubbornness collapsing beneath him, and Polly clearly knew it. “I don’t like the thought of you dealing with this on your own. And I could do with the company, too.”

There was a pleading look in her eyes, a frightened tremor in her voice, and Jamie found that he was unable to turn the offer down. “Aye, well, if it would help ye too...” He yawned, and they laughed, the tension of their conversation gone and their wakefulness draining away. Distantly, they heard the console chirp, signalling for the artificial dawn to begin. “I might take ye up on that some time.”

* * *

_“Doctor?”_

_Jamie stepped towards the patch of light ahead of him, trying to see if it was empty. If it was not, if he had been unable to stop the Morelvian in time – He closed his eyes, trying to remember what had happened. The creature had been charging down the corridor towards him, he remembered that much. He had levelled his blaster at it, squeezed the trigger, then his memory went blank._

_A figure lay crumpled in the light, and he let out a choked sob, rushing towards it. The Doctor’s coat and shirt were torn, revealing deep gashes. The sight made Jamie’s memories flood back into his mind, and he buried his face in the Doctor’s chest, his breath coming in shaky, ragged gasps. He felt as if the loss of the Doctor had made him forget how to breathe, as if his own body had decided that there was no point in going on without him. He had failed. The Doctor had trusted him with his life, and he had failed, and it had cost him everything._

_Again and again, he remembered hesitating just a moment too long, missing the tiny window of opportunity to hit the vulnerable spot on the Morelvian’s armoured chest, diving beneath it to save his own skin. Saving himself but sacrificing the Doctor._ Coward _, a voice in his head whispered._ Deserter. Traitor _. More voices joined the first, no longer in his own head but pressing up around him, making him curl into himself._ You couldn’t even save him. You’ve condemned everyone you love to death. What will Ben and Polly say? What would the Doctor say, if he knew you’d betrayed him like this?

_“Go away,” he whispered hoarsely. “Don’t – don’t touch him.” The ghosts moved closer. “Leave us alone!”_

_A great roar sounded from behind them, making the ghosts scatter. Jamie looked up to see the Morelvian illuminated by another patch of light, pawing at the ground eagerly. He braced himself, preparing for the impact. It roared, shaking its head so its curving horns caught he light, dull tips glinting -_

_Dull._

_The cuts on the Doctor’s chest had come from a bayonet, not the Morelvian. Another nightmare._

_Something was wrong._

Jamie gasped awake. His blankets were wrapped tight around him, tangled by his thrashing, and he kicked them away, feeling suddenly trapped. A moment later, he sat up, pulling his knees against his chest and tugging the blankets over his shoulders for reassurance. Closing his eyes again, he breathed deeply, trying to forget the dream. _I shot the Morelvian_ , he reminded himself. _I shot it and the Doctor escaped and he saved us all. He’s safe._

His trembling showed no signs of stopping. _One for Polly, then_ , he thought, forcing himself up and out of the room. She could reassure him that it had not been real. Only when he stood in front of her door did he realise that her room would be empty. She was with Ben now, and he did not wish to disturb them. Telling Polly about his nightmares was one thing, but telling Ben was quite another. Turning back to his own room, he caught sight of the Doctor’s door. It was slightly ajar, and warm light spilled out from the gap. His racing heart calmed a little at the proof that the Doctor was still alive. It was the Doctor’s reassurance he needed.

Pushing the door open tentatively, Jamie saw the Doctor hunched over his desk, engrossed in various books and papers. He paused for a moment, watching him work. Only the movement of the Doctor’s hands and an occasional murmur of surprise or annoyance showed that he had not fallen asleep amongst his work. He seemed so peaceful, so normal, and for a moment Jamie considered leaving without disturbing him.

Before he could decide whether or not to knock, the Doctor spoke, not looking up from his books. “Did you want something, Jamie?” He twisted around in his chair, yawning and rubbing at his eyes. Jamie smiled. It was so rare to catch the Doctor when he was sleepy. “Oh, my word. Is that the time already?”

“I don’t know what time it is,” Jamie confessed.

“Oh.” The Doctor tapped his watch. “Three o’clock, by my reckoning.” He peered at Jamie curiously, as if he had only just realised that most people were asleep by three o’clock. “Is something wrong?”

“I...” It was not as if the Doctor was oblivious to his nightmares, Jamie reminded himself. But there was something different about coming to him for reassurance. “I had a nightmare.”

“ _Oh_.” The Doctor held his arms out, and Jamie rushed to him with an eagerness he had not expected, letting himself be pulled down into his lap. “Oh, Jamie. What was it about?” Jamie shook his head wordlessly, pressing his forehead against the Doctor’s and closing his eyes. “It’s alright, you don’t have to tell me. Would you like to sleep here tonight?” He glanced back at the clock. “Ah – this morning, I suppose.”

“I dinnae think I could sleep again,” Jamie mumbled. He curled up more tightly, resting his head against the Doctor’s shoulder and staring out at his desk. “Can ye – can ye read to me?”

“You wouldn’t find this very interesting, I’m afraid,” the Doctor said. “Iyan quantum mechanics – they have a very particular method of calculating the curvature of the universe using song – not really your area, I don’t think.”

Jamie smiled. “Aye, maybe not. I dinnae mind, though. If it makes ye happy.”

“I’ve got a better idea.” The Doctor reached over to the bookshelf, plucking out a slim book. “A lighter novel. How about _The Adventures of Captain Dougal MacNabb_ , volume one?”

“What’s it about?”

“A spaceship captain. He gets into terrible trouble with pirates in this story, if I’m not mistaken.” The Doctor shook it from side to side, as if trying to tempt Jamie with it. “The author’s Scottish.”

Jamie snorted. “I’d never have guessed. Aye, go on, then.” The Doctor opened the book, looking pleased with himself. “It had better be good.”

“Of course it is.” The Doctor settled back into his chair, clearing his throat. “ _I set off from Earth in May, 2264, with a crew of four..._ ”

* * *

The door creaked open, and Jamie jumped, glancing up at it in alarm. There was no wind in the TARDIS to blow it open, the Doctor was asleep beside him -

Victoria peered into their room. “Doctor?” Her eyes widened when she saw that Jamie was awake. “Oh – I’m sorry, I’ll just -”

“It’s alright.” Jamie scrambled out of bed, darting across the room to hold the door open against her efforts to close it. “He’s sleeping. Can I help ye?”

“No – no, it’s alright.” Jamie took in the dark circles under her eyes, the way her hair was tangled and unkempt as if she had been thrashing around in her sleep. They were signs he had seen before, in Polly and in himself. Even in the Doctor, on occasion. “Nightmare?”

Victoria looked taken aback. “I didn’t think the Doctor would tell -”

“He didn’t.”

“I was going to talk to the Doctor about it,” she said quietly. “It doesn’t matter, I won’t disturb him.”

She turned to leave, but Jamie caught her arm. “Ye could tell me about it,” he suggested. “If ye wanted.” Polly had been much better at this, he thought. “Ye dinnae look like ye want tae be alone.”

“How do you know so much?” Victoria snapped. Jamie released her arm as if burnt, taking a step back. A moment later, the fire in her eyes died away, and she smoothed the skirts of her nightgown, composing herself. “I’m sorry, Jamie, I didn’t mean to -”

“’S alright.” Jamie could not blame her for her anger. He and Victoria were too similar, he thought. Her too proud to tell him about her dreams, and him too stubborn to let the issue go. They would never get anywhere like this. “I understand, ye know.”

At last, Victoria seemed to grasp what he was saying. “Do you really?”

“Aye, ‘course I do. Ye know I was in the middle of a war when I met the Doctor.”

“Yes, but I thought -” Victoria bit her lip. “I didn’t think _you’d_ have nightmares, of all people.”

“Why do ye think I’m awake now?” Jamie gave a wry smile. “I’m surprised you’ve never seen one, if ye come and talk to the Doctor in the middle of the night.” He reached out and took her wrist, holding her more securely when she did not flinch away. “Come on. At least sit with me for a wee while.” He led her towards the Doctor’s desk, gesturing for her to sit down, and perched on the edge of the bed, looking at her expectantly.

The Doctor mumbled something, rolling over and draping his arm across Jamie’s lap, and Victoria smiled. “He’s sleeping peacefully, at least.”

Jamie smiled, ruffling the Doctor’s hair affectionately. “Aye, he is.” He turned back to Victoria, studying her, trying to read the shadows on her face. “Did ye dream about the yeti?” Victoria shook her head. “The Cybermen?”

“I dreamt about my father’s death.” Victoria stared down at her lap, unwilling or unable to meet Jamie’s eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Jamie remained quiet, giving her time. It did not take her long to speak up again. “I – we were in the cell again, with the Daleks. I looked out the door, and I saw them – I saw -” She buried her face in her hands. “I saw them kill him,” she whispered. “I was glad I didn’t see it, and now -” Drawing in a deep breath, she looked up at Jamie, her expression blank but her eyes filled with horror. “I don’t think I shall ever be rid of the sight of it.”

“Ye feel like it’s all you’ll ever see when ye think of him.” Victoria nodded, and Jamie reached out to take her hand comfortingly. “It goes away, eventually.”

“But I saw them kill him.” Her expression was becoming increasingly horrified as more of the dream fell into place. “And they’d killed the Doctor, and you, and they were going to kill me -”

“Here.” Jamie knelt before her, hugging her tightly. Victoria collapsed into his embrace, burying her face in his shoulder. “Shh, lassie. It’s alright, it didnae happen. It’s gone now.” She nodded, trying to even out her breathing but only succeeding in crying harder. “Do ye want tae sleep here tonight?”

“Please,” Victoria mumbled. She choked out a tearful laugh. “You were right. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

Jamie tugged a blanket off her bed, wrapping it around her. “There ye go. Are ye alright here, or do ye want -”

“I’ll be alright.” Rubbing at her eyes with one hand, Victoria batted at the wet patch on his shirt with the other. “Oh, dear. I didn’t mean to bother you, Jamie.”

“I dinnae mind.”

Victoria settled back into the chair, squeezing his hand and closing her eyes. She snapped them open a moment later, staring up at Jamie in horror. “He’s still there. Oh, Jamie, I can still see him lying there!”

“Ye have to try not tae think about it.” Jamie settled the blanket back around her. “Try again, now.” She closed her eyes dutifully. “You’re still safe in the TARDIS. The Doctor and I are with ye.” Victoria nodded slowly, already giving into the temptation of sleep. “There. That’s no’ so bad, is it?”

"No," she mumbled, her head falling against her shoulder.

He kissed her forehead, as if she was a small child. “Sweet dreams, Victoria.”

* * *

“I’m fine, Jamie.”

“Ye dinnae look fine.”

“How many times do I have to tell you?”

“Ye look like ye haven’t been sleeping well.”

“I’m _busy_.” At last, Zoe turned away from the bookshelves to fix Jamie with a stern glare. “Go and pester the Doctor, not me.”

Jamie sighed. If Zoe refused to give in to persistence, he would have to try other tactics. It was for her own good, after all. He assumed the most pleading expression he could muster. “But I’m worried about ye.”

“Go and fuss over something else, then.”

Maybe Zoe was right, Jamie thought. Maybe he was missing Victoria, and the way she had let him take her by the hand and guide her through the universe. But he was sure Zoe had been having nightmares – and that he ought to try and help her. “Aye, maybe ye have a point. I’ll ask the Doctor whether he thinks you’ve been having nightmares.”

“No!” Zoe caught his arm, holding him in place with surprising strength. “You wouldn’t tell him, would you?”

“Why not? If you’re not having nightmares, then I don’t see -”

“I don’t -” Zoe sighed, forcing the words out from between gritted teeth as if it pained her. “I don’t want him to know.”

Jamie stilled, and she dropped his arm, turning back to the shelves to hide her face. “Why not?” She did not answer. “Do ye think he’ll think less of ye if he finds out?” Her nod was so slight that he almost missed it. “He wouldn’t.”

“Nightmares are for small children,” Zoe said. She sounded as if she was reciting a page from a book. For the first time in weeks, Jamie caught a glimpse of girl they had met on the space station, clipped and controlled and trimmed away until there was almost nothing left of her true self. “I’ve received psychic training, I’ve studied the effect of trauma on the brain, I understand the cause and effect. There’s no reason for me to be bothered by a few dreams.”

“Ye don’t really believe that, do you?” Zoe walked away from him, still keeping her face carefully hidden, and Jamie trailed after her. “I know ye better than that, Zoe. I can see there’s something wrong.”

“You can’t help me, Jamie.”

“The Doctor and I helped Victoria.”

Zoe turned at last, hurling her retort at him angrily. “I’m not Victoria!” Jamie took a step back, blinking in alarm, surprised by the venom in her voice. “I know you miss her, but I’m not her, and I’d appreciate it if you stopped treating me like I am!”

“A – aye.” Jamie backed away from her. “Aye, alright, I’ll just -” He gestured towards the door. “Zoe?” She turned away from him again. “I didnae mean to hurt ye. I – och, I’m no good at this. I really was just worried about ye.”

He had nearly reached the door by the time Zoe spoke up. “I’m sorry.”

“’S alright.”

“I suppose I’m still not used to people being concerned about me.”

Jamie found himself at a loss for what to say. He was so used to Zoe’s usual unflappable self that this new vulnerability was almost disturbing. “I shouldnae have pushed ye like that -”

“It’s quite alright, I shouldn’t have -”

“Is everything alright?” The Doctor peered around the doorway, blinking as if he had only just emerged into the light. He was covered in dust, and Jamie reached over to pick a stray wire out of his hair. “I thought I heard raised voices.”

Jamie opened his mouth to reply, wondering how to explain the situation, but Zoe beat him to it. “Everything’s fine, Doctor.” She smiled at Jamie briefly. “We’ll be alright.”

“Oh, good.” The Doctor disappeared behind the door again, his footsteps receding down the corridor. “Zoe, you had the flux thermoregulator last, didn’t you? Do you remember where you put it?”

“I gave it back to you.” Zoe made as if to follow him, but Jamie stopped her. “I said I’m fine, Jamie. Really.”

“Aye, I know ye did.” Jamie cast around for some words of comfort. “Just… tell him, won’t ye? Or me, it doesnae matter. Ye can talk to us if ye need to.”

Zoe smiled again, and this time Jamie smiled back, reassured that they understood each other. “He won’t think any less of me, will he?”

“’Course he won’t.”

“Then I’ll tell him.”

“Zoe!” The Doctor appeared in the doorway again. “I do need that thermoregulator rather urgently, you know.”

“Yes, yes, I’m coming.” Zoe followed him out of the library. “Doctor, there’s something I should tell you...”

* * *

Jamie awoke with a mumble of dismay, his fingers curling against empty sheets. “Mm. Doctor?”

No reply came.

He sat up, staring out into the darkness blindly until his eyes adjusted. The Doctor was sitting up in bed, curled into a tight ball. For a moment, Jamie wondered if he had simply awoken early, and this was some new method of meditation or study. Then he let out a single, painful sob, and Jamie realised he was shaking. “Doctor?” he repeated. “Are ye...” His voice faded away. To ask whether the Doctor was alright seemed pointless.

“Oh – oh, Jamie.” The Doctor uncurled, turning to hug Jamie, holding him as if he were a lifeline. He drew in a deep, trembling breath, trying to steady himself. “Oh. Mm.”

Jamie bundled the Doctor more securely into his arms, drawing him back beneath the blankets. “The usual?” Nodding, the Doctor buried his face in Jamie’s shoulder. “Shh. It wasn’t real, see? I’m right here.”

“I know that.” There was a touch of petulance in the Doctor’s voice. “But it doesn’t help much, does it?”

“No.” Drawing the Doctor closer, Jamie rubbed his back, trying to seem more comforting than lost. His own nightmares had lessened over the past few months, but the Doctor’s seemed to be worse than ever, and he still struggled with reassuring him.

“They’re not going to take you away again,” the Doctor continued. “I won’t let them.”

“’Course ye won’t.”

“If they take you away, I'll… I won’t let that happen.” The Doctor looked up at him, his eyes wide and full of terror. “I can’t let that happen,” he whispered.

“They said I was here for good,” Jamie reminded him.

“Do you really trust _them_?” the Doctor snapped. He curled back towards Jamie, gripping almost painfully tightly. “I can’t lose you. Not again.”

“And ye won’t.” Jamie pushed at the Doctor’s shoulders until he was lying down again, letting himself be dragged down onto the Doctor’s chest. “It’s alright, I’m here.”

“I know,” the Doctor mumbled. “You’re not going anywhere, are you?”

“I’m stayin’ right here.” The Doctor buried his face in Jamie’s hair. “Ye won’t have any more nightmares tonight, I promise.”


End file.
